Diary Of A Nobody Who Thinks He’s a Somebody
I am the very model of a Deputy Prime Minister.
I’m smug, self satisfied and glib, most women find me sinister,
And yet my P.A. knows that I exude more than my share of charms.
She made me clear my office desk and… leapt into my brawny arms.
I was a steward on a ship and often sailed the ocean blue.
The tips that I picked up on board taught me to take a broader view,
And that’s why Tony, quick to spot my natural ability,
Has handed me a pair of briefs with full … responsibility.
After 10 years on the job, I think that I can safely say
That my 2 Jags are running well and Pauline’s hair looks nice today.
No buses, bikes or trains will do. I fly world wide First Class, you see,
And that’s my truly integrated Prescott … transport policy.
At least the only eggs involved were served up to me for my lunch.
My fists are now known nationwide and no one wants another punch.
My second brief was to restructure English local government,
But northern plebs rejected it and kicked me in the … fundament.
I’m going to miss the weekend res., the croquet and expenses steep,
But I’m retiring with a pension that should make my critics weep.
And now my job is open to another individual.
The duties are not onerous, the benefits … considerable.